Executive Producer: Tsunku
Tokyo Zance
Directed by Takashi Matsuo
An Exceedingly Kind Country
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line
This bus will stop at Otani
Our final destination is Asagaya
We will not stop at the Ishimatsu Animal Hospital
Please make sure you are on the correct bus
Please be so kind as to give your seat to mothers with babies,
senior citizens or the disabled
Refrain from using cell phones
so as not to bother fellow passengers
Please keep an eye on your personal items
Please refrain from carrying hazardous materials on the bus
Then I realized he was a top gangster!
You're kidding!
I didn't know what to do
A message from the Keystone Police Station:
Walking in front of the bus can be dangerous
After exiting the bus,
use the pedestrian crossing
Our excellent value bus passes are now on sale
Please ask service provider for further details
Next stop is Nekoya,
a bakery with 150 years of history
Please push the button...
I want to get off here
Wait for the bus to stop before alighting
When exiting the bus, please watch your step
Driver
This is the terminus?
Look, I told you before
It's not up to me
These constant, meaningless announcements!
Why don't you take it up with head office?
I'm pulling out now. Please leave the bus
I can't take it any more
Ah, I see
Surely you agree?
We don't need to be told to press the buzzer
Of course we'll grab the straps if the buss ways
And do we need those inane commercials
at every stop?
Yes, I see
Theft is on the rise, be careful. The same thing
I've been riding yourbusfor20 years
Theft has never decreased!
Lift’s always rising,
more than half your passengers must be thieves
Are you hauling thieves?
Do we need crime statistics on the way to work?
Robin Hood, are you?
NO!
We only have passenger safety in mind
20 years of that message
and still no decrease in thefts?
It's having zero effect!
The same messages, over and over
It's brainwashing
It's noise pollution. Environmental destruction
So what are you suggesting that I do?
I like traveling by bus
All I want is to feel good when I'm riding on your bus
Ah, I see
It's our duty to ensure that
every passenger rides in comfort
I'll call an emergency meeting
to address your concerns
Great. Thank you
We aim to please our loyal passengers
I appreciate it
I should have come to you long ago
Where's my seat?
We have an announcement to make
A customer has complained
about our announcements
He finds them intrusive
From now on, they will be replaced by soothing music
We hope you enjoy it
Hello? What? No way!
No, this is a mistake
It's like being in a coffee shop
I didn't ask for this!
This will be good for the baby
It's as bad as before
There's this really creepy old pervert on board
You don't care for Blue Danube Schmaltz?
It's the Blue Danube Waltz, for god's sake
Is it really?
That's not what I meant
I just wanted to enjoy riding the bus
Hence the classical music
There's no need to fill the void,
much less with music
I want you to stop getting inside my head
Announce the bus stops and forget the rest
Understand?
Be reasonable
You're obviously a disturbed man
What's that?
Hello?
Please do not walk in the aisles
while the bus is in motion, it is dangerous
Our final stop is Asagaya
What in hell are you doing?
Pull the bus over!
Help!
Oh, no
It's a bus-jack!
Me, too
Don't do that to me
God no! I've got a family!
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line
Remember, lethal weapons are prohibited
Any passenger with a gun
poisonous gas, or a deadly snake,
report to the driver immediately
If there are any senior citizens within arm's length,
please give them your seat
Do it gracefully, so as not to offend them
That could lead to hurt feelings
The bus sometimes makes sudden stops,
please keep a firm grip on the rail or strap
He's on top of the bus
Seriously. In front of the station
Inserting your wrist in the strap
could result in broken bones
So please refrain
If the bus begins to vibrate,
please chalk it up to a minor earthquake
Don't apply makeup in a moving bus
You could put an eye out with your mascara
Or end up with lipstick on your teeth
If you use hair gel, don't lean against the windows
It leaves a nasty smear
Passengers with foul breath,
shut your mouths
And no nose-picking, please
Giving birth on the bus, or breeding, are both prohibited
Well, everyone, have you had enough, yet?
Or do you want even more?
Do we really need a barrage of messages
spouting common sense and tips on manners?
Japan is far too noisy
And it's not just the buses
Japan is inundated with such announcements
Please wait behind line 3
We have to be told to wait?
Please stand to one side of the escalator
Couldn't we function without them?
Welcome. Thank you
Do we need talking machines?
IT Revolution?
It's a lot of nonsense!
The government too
And that anti-drug poster
Shoot hoops, not drugs. How many junkies has it reformed?
Television’s just as bad
The same commercials over and over
Do we need a laugh track on sitcoms?
To tell us when to laugh?
Why don't they let us decide things for ourselves?
When I was young,
my parents taught me to be responsible for myself
Was that wrong?
How long has Japan been like this?
Japanese abroad are targets,
not just because they're rich
No! We've gotten stupid from
being constantly told what to do
Theft is on the rise, be careful.
Only Japan has this barrage of announcements
Do you think it's thoughtfulness?
Or kindness?
Reporting live from Asagaya Station
A deranged man is delivering a speech
from the top of a bus parked in the station square
After two hours,
he shows no sign of letting up
He has made no demands
His theme appears to be anti-noise pollution
It's not too late
We can get it to change
But you know why we won't?
No one has the guts to make a decision!
They're all too afraid,
they're covering their asses
It's always somebody else's fault
World War II, swept under the rug
Even on the bus,
we leave it to others
Japan is a responsibility dodger
Isn't time for us as a nation to grow up?
Won't you take charge of your own lives?
Thank you very much for your attention
Think he likes going out?
Where are you headed?
City office
The stop after next, right?
No, two stops after
Yes, you're right. Sorry
You can't rely on other people
Directed by Naoko Nozawa
Tokyo Escalator
When you use the escalator, hold onto the handrail
Long time ago,
I was a famous singer
My voice brought the world of tears
But that's all in the past
Now, no one listens to my songs
Now, this is my stage
Every day, morning and night, I get on and off, on and off
In my life, I have this,
just this
But it’s enough
Recently, I keep having the same dream
An escalator I've never seen
The escalator of my dreams?
Welcome
(barbecued beef!)
Where am I?
The Beta Performance Hall. (barbecued beef!)
Beta?
Please, come this way
The Wigs
Wig, a wig, a wigwigwig, wigwigwigwig
Hello, everyone. We're the Wigs
What we mean is,
we've all got wigs
And now, wigjuggling
Bald, bald, we are bald. We're all cue balls now
Smooth and round,
that's what we really are
Wig, wig, wigwigwig
Now, wig music
Wait up! Will I be bald forever?
One's a cue ball but wig, wig, wig
One's a baldie
The Gays
Thank you, thank you
As for introductions, we're hard-core gay men
Really macho, manly men
Don't say macho, bitch!
Look, a tulip!
What I mean is, as hard-core gays,
we gotta try harder
Macho! Macho!
Bitch, drop this macho shit!
Now here's a tulip!
You've got a great little asshole there
I get it from my mom
That ugly bitch?
Don't trash a guy's mom. Macho man!
Ouch!
You're quite soft
Yeah, you hit my colon
The Animal Lovers
Deeper, deeper, the deeper the better
Get it in me, go deeper, deeper
I once...
I went and did it... with a camel!
He was a bit heavy
But it felt so good...
I saw a mirage!
Just like a dream, sounds like a dream
Now as for me, I did it with...
a dolphin, a bottle-nosed dolphin
As we did it, we flew through space
She did it with a dolphin
And now me, I had my way with
a panda, me and a panda
He munched away at my bamboo grass
That's great, wasn't it great?
Oh, yes it was
Animals, animals,
We're just ASPCA, animal-lovin' chicks
Did you enjoy that?
Yes, it was fantastic
So you won't mind living here, will you?
Live here? Me?
Me live here?
Hang on...
Help me...
Directed by Kelly Chen
The promise
Damn! I just re-changed it
What did you write? Beat it!
I wanna be a basketball player
I wanna be a piano teacher
I wanna be a painter
Here's a good place
It's perfect
Hey, listen up!
What?
Let's meet here 20 years from today
Promise?
It's okay, I’m just looking for something
I'm not trying to pick you up
You're safe
I was looking for someone. Someone to talk to.
What were you looking for?
When I was 12
we came here during spring break
We wrote on the benches
We made a promise to meet here today
20 years. That must seem like a lifetime ago
No. It seems like yesterday
You've got a good memory
I only remembered it a little while ago
Just by chance...
I guess if I were happy with my life,
I wouldn't remember stupid childhood promises
You're unhappy with your life?
No
nut it's like a loop, the same thing every day
Isn't this what you were looking for?
Where?
I'm gonna be an astronaut
Don't read it
About 20% of it came true, I guess
One fifth?
I'm editor of a small science magazine
How do black holes form?
Does Mars have air?
That’s so cool
Back then, the possibilities were infinite,
the sky the limit
But before you know it you set off
and somehow you get sidetracked,
and end up
nowhere near your goal
Look what I found!
A confession of love for you!
No way!
It's true. Look
I want to ride the Ferris Wheel with Hidehiko again.
Really?
M.S.
Let's ride the Ferris Wheel
Just like back then
We each paired off with a girl
I was so shy,
I couldn't even look at her
What is it? You're smiling
No
Wouldn't it be great if she did write that?
Why is that?
That'd mean she liked me
But it’s just silly puppy love
But she was my first real love
Really? What was she like?
Come on!
Her name was Miku Sugita
She had a weak heart, though
She didn't really stand out
but she was always on my mind
Would you still like to meet her, even now?
That's impossible
Years later, I heard a rumor
that her heart gave out and she had passed away
You know the Big Dipper?
Yes, it's Pleiades, right?
Yes, yes
That's amazing
That night we could six of the stars and glimpses of the 7th
It depends on the weather
There's a legend about the 7th star
Once,
a young star spied seven orphans playing around a campfire
So the star came down
and played with the children until dawn
But even then,
they wanted to keep playing
The star took them back to the heavens and they became stars
But eventually, one of them began to get homesick
and cried every night
So even now, in Pleiades,
one star can sometimes be seen and sometimes can't
It's pining for its lost homeland
Hidehiko, during that last vacation,
on the Ferris wheel,
you told me that story
Remember, we promised. 20 years ago...
Hey guys!
Hey, Sato, right?
You did remember!
But what's the matter?
It was Hidehiko's idea, wasn't it?
Meeting here again, 20 years later.
What?
Let's meet here again. 20 years form today
Promise?
That's right. Here we are
Poor guy, what a way to go. Mangled by a truck
What? What are you talking about?
At least he died instantly
That's the best way, right?
So that's one friend less
Now do you remember?
Yes, I do
You never forgot about me
And they'll never forget about you
Shall we go now?
Yes
Enjoy life, you guys!
Oh!
What?
I thought I just heard Hidehiko's voice
Knock it off, will ya?
That's impossible!
Maybe I just imagined it
Anyway, the stars sure are beautiful tonight
Directed by Shin Yamagishi
Tokyo Scale
Now isn't it a great view?
The public bath,
a wonderful place to relax and wash away your troubles
Particularly the women's public bath
Women's public bath
You don't see this in the men's bath
But today
I say goodbye to all of this
Just thinking about leaving makes me sad
They look so happy
Who am I? I'm a scale
I've worked in this women's public bath house for35 years now
Stood upon by all sorts of women
But all the generations,
are the same
Always a balance of hope and dread
Sorry dear, I'm no shrine
But sometimes I can't help feeling like one
Women, overcome with joy to lose a pound
What's the big deal about gaining weight?
How I wanted to tell them that
But a scale could never do that
I guess my role is to reflect a woman's pride
Why?
Old and young woman,
so many for so long
All things must come to an end
It's great!
After35 years, my spring is just about worn out
Ugh heavy!
How're you doing?
How long are you gonna stand here?!
Come on, get off me!
Hello girls
Hello
This is Sanae
Two of you?
Hello
What a doll!
Ain't she?
She's welcome anytime
Sure
Here's the lockers
So now you just nee to sweat
Only two more kilos. Easy!
Soak and the sweat will poor out of you
Sanae
Lose two kilos by tonight? Impossible!
You promised you'd try
You'll easily lose that much tonight
C'mon, let's get in
No need to lock it
Really?
She's on a diet? Why?
I don't get it
Look, she's got a great figure
Why lose another two kilos?
Sanae
Isn't she sweet?
I think it’s first time here
And my last day.
What's the connection, I wonder?
She must have a date tonight
Her boyfriend wants her
to lose two kilos by tonight
What an idiot.
He’s a fool! Two kilos.
I wish there was something I could do for her
I know!
There is something I can do!
But can this rusty old body
put out two kilos of vertical resistance?
It’ll probably destroy me,
but for her, I'll do it!
Hold on!
I did it
No way!
Look
I lost two kilos!
Congratulations!
Thank you!
It was nothing
We did it together
We should both be congratulated
No matter which woman got on, or how much they weighed,
I supposed them all equally
That's been my pride, as a scale
But today,
I don't want any other woman
This girl's weight, 47 kilos, I want to carry it with me,
as I go off into the sunset
And then, I... I...
I've lost weight myself, recently
I'll prove it
W... Wait! You're not going to...
Stay back!
No way, am I 100 kilos!
It's busted
Will I get like that?
Why did that fat ass have to be the last one?
Never bounce on a scale
Sanae, wait!
Sanae, stop! Wait!
What? What's wrong?
You!
Two kilos...
You were two kilos out!
Now I'll blow my modeling audition!
What audition? I had no idea!
Why do this to me?
Why didn't you weigh me properly?
It's your fault!
Sanae, let's go!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
Come on!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
I can't believe it. Why do this?
I destroyed that pretty girl’s dream
Thirty five years as a scale and it ends like this?
Please, no...!
Directed by Katsuhiko Hibino
Mr. Abe, apparently
Mr. Matsumoto, apparently
Mrs. Goto, apparently
Mrs. Tsukuda, apparently
Ms. Kusano, apparently
Mr. Yamaguchi, apparently
Ms. Ojima, apparently
Mr. Sasaki, apparently
Mrs. Ibo, apparently
The apparently Form
Set up the board
First move, Pawn-2f
Second move, Pawn-3d
Pawn-5f
Bishop-3c
Silver-3h
Silver-2b
Silver-2g
Bishop-4b
Silver-7g
Silver-3c
Gold-3h
Silver-3b
Silver-2f
Time remaining:
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four
Three
Two
One
Zero.
A story about my grandpa
Where shall we go?
Four eyelids
Where shall we go?
An eyelid above his right eye
An eyelid below his right eye
An eyelid above his left eye
An eyelid below his left eye
What? What?
Four sets of eyelashes
Eyelashes at the top of his right eye
Eyelashes at the bottom of his right eye
Eyelashes at the top of his left eye
Eyelashes at the bottom of his left eye
Found something ahead
It's moving
Searching for password
Password incomplete
Warning
Change course
Still heading directly for us
Communications are dead
Alert all entryways
Seal the doors
Repeat. Seal the doors
Grandpa
Only ever being in your room,
You lose your sense of perspective
Grandpa
If you lose all sense of perspective,
you won't be able to use the stairs
Grandpa
If you can't use the stairs,
you can't see what's over there
Grandpa
If you can't see what's over there,
now loses all meaning
A story about my grandma
Six part of the ears
A right outer ear
A right middle ear
And a right inner ear
And left inner ear
And left middle ear
And a left outer ear
Four part of the nose
A right outer nasal passage
And a left outer nasal passage
A right inner nasal passage
And a left nasal passage
Is the search still on?
We cannot find any clues
The radar doesn’t perceive anything
Should we expand the perimeter?
How far should we increase the range?
Sweep the area one more time
Find it
Don't miss any signals
Grandma
Did you want to see over there?
To find some meaning
Grandma
Did you want to see over there?
So you wanted to use the stairs?
Grandma
Did you want to use the stairs?
Not to lose your sense of perspective
You don't want to lose the distance between you and the others
Six part of ears and four part of noses
Four eyelids, four sets of eyelashes
Directed by Takanori Jinnai
This is my father's back
My father is the president of Samejima Enterprises
Once, I asked him what kind of work he did
He told me was computer-related
But that's a lie
You jerk!
Give the bastard a concrete overcoat!
No goddamn cop is going to do that to me
That's hot!
I'm burning!
Stop blowing on it, it catches fire!
I'll kill you bastards!
Listen, son
You'll be happy to hear
I've prepared a secret weapon
The race, of course! Did you forget?
Track and Field Day?
You listening? Don't let that jackass beat you
Sakurada, of course!
The cop's brat!
Don't stand there like a dummy
Move it
Yeah, what?
On your way home, are you?
And don't you dawdle on the way
Inspector
she said she works in a girlie bar
You met her there, in Roppongi
She said you promised her some promotional gifts
I'll be late home tonight
Fix your own dinner
Certainly, no problem
Very good
By the way, are you trial test results in yet?
You what?!
That is unacceptable!
You failed your first grade school entrance exam
Now you're falling behind in class
This is your last chance
You'd better face up to it
All Sahurada men
are Tokyo U graduates and career officials
My father was Chief of Police, then Minister of Justice
His blood flows in your veins
If you are accepted into a top high school,
I'll give you anything you want
This
What?
A scooter...?
Never!
My father is a chief inspector
A Tokyo U grad and a master fencer
50 more times!
It's painful
Idiots!
Sorry!
Dad’s favorite line is...
It's like I always say, Yuki
In class, or on the field, coming first is everything!
You got that, boy?
Now I'm ready. Come and get me!
Next!
It's painful
But I know it
Dad graduated from the great Tokyo University
but he’s just an inspector at age 40
So sorry, sir!
I'll get an ambulance! Ambulance!
Paint me like Antonio Banderas with Johnny Depp's hair
Boss, we brought him
OK, show him your stuff
I'm Kameyama!
Japan's number one!
A perfect ten!
He's an Olympic tumbler, silvermedallist
Don't you mean Olympic gymnast?
Technically speaking, you could say
Olympic, acrobatic gymnastic, tumbler
What the hell do I need a goddamn tumbler for?
But, boss, we thought...
You'll pay for this
No, not that!
Put your finger on the chopping block!
That's what you call a light-fingered crook
Go on, don't be shy
Lift those knees higher!
Swing those arms!
Watch the horse shit
I stepped in it! Go! Go!
Go for it! Run!
IF I win, will you buy me a scooter?
You win and I'll buy you a Mercedes Benz
But if you lose to that goddamn cop's brat,
I'll pluck out your eyebrows
Don't you dare lose!
Win, boy
Win!
Rikiya, this will make a man out of you
If you don't, my life is at stake!
Do whatever it takes
Elbow the other guy in the chest
Or stomp on his foot
How about goosing him good?
Get right behind him and zap! That'll throw him
Zap!
The enema goose!
Rikiya, try to finish off with a snap
Now try this
Go!
Goose enema!
You did it!
This is your last chance
Only two schools are worth entering
Like I always say, boy
Coming first is everything!
You got that?
Your mother is keeping a close eye on you from heaven
If you think this is funny, go ahead, laugh
What's your first pick?
First pick for what?
High school. Which school for you?
A public school
Not a private school?
Not at all
Nozomi, wait!
Track and Field Day
The son of a gangster and the son of a cop
Our first battle took place at school
under their watchful eyes
Back off you parasitic assholes!
Next, the sixth-grade race
Good luck, everyone!
These seats are reserved for prominent guests
Up yours, asshole
I could buy and sell you twice over
Mom, there's a seat here. Over here
Do you mind?
Please
Get in line, stay in place
Your moms are watching
Get back in line
C'mon, everybody in line
On your marks
Get set
This way, please
You idiot!
That's the way, boy
What are you doing?
Goddamn cheat!
Good one, lad!
Rikiya, please! If you don't win, I'm dead!
Go boy, go!
Hey, Tumbler! He better not lose!
I arrest you for carrying a dangerous weapon
The goose!
Enema goose!
F... Foul play!
Good one!
I'll buy you anything you want!
If you don't win, I'll chew your eyebrows off!
Go!
We both had a revolution
Winning races or passing tests don't really matter at all
Forget their expectations
We just love to run
Hey, what's wrong?
What's going on?
You're first place
What?!
You're third
Running Free
Directed by Kazuna Iida
Hello?
No picked plums? What's a man to do?
Mach 85
Tomiko's Boxed Lunches
Limit one per person, 500 yen
Closed for the day
What's the matter?
Are you there, Tomiko?
Tomiko, what's the matter?
No picked plums...
Pickled plums?
No pickled plums? What's a man to do?
There's no pickled plums, so what?
You bastard!
How dare you?
What?!
Pickled plums...
They are...
Go on, you say it
The soul of Japan
Pickled plums...
the very heart of Japan
Pickled plums...
They are the very essence of our youth
No, you're wrong
So pure and so true
The very purest of all, are they not?
That's for sure
She's the purest and the sweetest of all
Love
Hope
Dreams
Pickled plums
The very heart and essence of Japan
Here's the Shrine of the Plum Baby
Two towns away, to the east
And we can get pickled plums there?
That's what Tomiko said
It'd take us three days to walk there
But with the machines
we could be back by lunch tomorrow
Let's go!
All for lunch!
And all for Tomiko!
Tornado!
Hey, Oto! Gen! Yankee!
Shrine of the Plum Baby
Welcome
One, please
Tomiko
The next day
Tomiko's boxed lunches
Good me Hot Dog, good
Tomiko and Kunsaku's Hot Dogs
Hot Dogs 500 yen Limit two per customer